


Constant Variable

by draco_somnians



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode: s08e18 Threads, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-15
Updated: 2010-03-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 00:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draco_somnians/pseuds/draco_somnians
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode tag for Threads. How sam copes in the aftermath of Threads. <br/>Word Count: 3,259</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constant Variable

She dialled the number slowly and took a deep breath. She’d been dreading having to make this call for the last few days, hoping he would be here in time. In fact she’d been dreading this for the last four years and now the time had come. She had to tell her brother that their father was dead. Her hands were shaking as she lifted the receiver to her ear, her mouth suddenly dry and her heart hammering in her chest.  She briefly heard the buzz of a busy house in the background, her niece and nephew laughing, and felt tears sting her eyes.

“Hello.”

“Mark...its Sam...” she couldn’t help the tremor in her voice as she spoke and she heard him suck in a breath.

“Oh god.”

**********************************************************************************

She heard a movement beside her and realised she’d been staring at the phone since she replaced the receiver; she had no idea how long for. A hand slid across her shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.

“You should get some rest.”

She turned her head towards her commanding officer, her eyes not quite focussing and nodded faintly. She felt numb. She was vaguely aware of him talking and beginning to lead her somewhere. She let him and before she knew it she was in her quarters, sitting on her bed and he was knelt at her feet, pulling off her boots. She smiled a little.

“You don’t have to,” she whispered. He raised his eyes to hers and stood, gently pushing her towards the mattress.

“Do you need anything?” his hand was now on her head, smoothing the hair away from her face. She had a fleeting thought about how inappropriate it was but it was soon forgotten as her eyes began to close, and she was asleep before she had time to answer his question.

**********************************************************************************

Her head was racing; unable to quite believe what she’d just done, she stared at the house. The perfect house he’d picked out for them. For her. Had she really just thrown all that away? She began to shake and an uneasy feeling crept into her stomach. She was single again. She fiddled with the ring and slid it off her finger.

_“So what does he do?” Jacob had asked before she went to collect Pete._

_“He’s a cop.”_

_“Ok I can live with that. Kids? Ex wives?”_

_“No kids. One ex wife.” She barely resisted rolling her eyes._

_“Hmmm” Her father’s eyebrows narrowed. “Do you love him?”_

_“Of course.”_

She’d avoided Jacob’s eyes. She hadn’t gushed, hadn’t hidden a blush, and hadn’t even smiled when she said it. “Of course.” Her father never liked her boyfriends, but this was different somehow. He’d even made an effort with Jonas all those years ago, but this was different.

**********************************************************************************

“Didn’t I tell you to take a few days off?” General O’Neill entered her lab and she closed her laptop.

“I don’t want to be at home right now.” She remembered telling her high school teacher the same thing when he’d found her in the science lab one day,  two hours after school had finished, and felt no different to that confused fifteen year old girl.

“Want to talk about it?” She knew he’d leave her alone if she said no.

“I had a fight with Mark.” 

“What about?”

“Everything.” It was true. They’d started off civilly, but as soon as they’d started discussing the funeral arrangements the fighting started. She hated that she had to lie. That she had to tell her brother Jacob had to be cremated because of the chemo, when in fact, it was in case of NID “body snatchers”.  She’d had to fight to convince Mark that her dad deserved a full military funeral and she hated that he didn’t understand that.

And then Pete had called Mark.

And then it got worse.

**********************************************************************************

So far she was doing ok. She’d managed to take the folded flag from General O’Neill and hand it to her brother. She’d managed to listen to the guns go off without a flicker of emotion; head up, back straight. She’d done this dozens of times before. Then there came the one thing her and Mark had agreed on because they both knew her father would’ve wanted it. As the music started she felt her stomach lurch as her mind was assaulted with all the memories connected with this one song.

 Their song.

The one apparently played at their wedding. The one she’d heard drifting up to her room as a child while her mother did housework. The one she’d watched them, from her secret vantage point at the top of the stairs, dancing to in the living room on their anniversary.

The one played at her mother’s funeral.

The one she’d come home to find her father listening to, sitting in the dark, drinking.

Her knees buckled and a hand shot out to steady her from either side. She was guided into her brother’s arms as she began to sob, vaguely aware of Jack’s hand lingering on the small of her back a little longer than necessary.

**********************************************************************************

She knew she was being a coward, hiding in her room with all these people in her house, but she couldn’t stand it any longer. She’d done the rounds; listened to everyone say how sorry they were and what a good man he’d been, then they’d start chatting to her; mundane small talk that seemed inappropriate and necessary at the same time. It made her want to scream.

Teal’c had stuck by her side the whole time, no doubt under strict instructions from O’Neill, who himself was trying to deflect attention away from her every time someone asked about Jacob, Daniel or Pete.

She heard her bedroom door open and soft footsteps pad across the carpet and directly to where she was sitting on the floor with her back against the bed. He cocked his head to one side,

“You must’ve been crap at hide and seek.”

She snorted as he sat beside her, his knees popping as he lowered himself to the floor. He handed her a glass and she took a gulp of the warm amber liquid, feeling the burn in her throat and through her chest.

“Everyone’s starting to leave so I thought I’d break out the good stuff,” he topped up her glass, took a drink of his own and sighed. “How you doing?” She frowned.

“I’m hiding behind my bed, drinking whisky. How do you think I’m doing?”

“Fair point.” She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. She could hear Teal’c and her brother ushering people out, and someone, she guessed General Hammond, starting to tidy the place up. She thought she should probably go and help, but at the moment, she didn’t think her legs would work even if she wanted to move. To her surprise, she felt Jack’s cheek rest on her head as his hand slipped into hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You and Mark still fighting?”

“Not today,” she sighed, “but the day’s not over yet. Is he drunk?” She expected him to be.

“A little.” He always drank too much at funerals.  The first one they’d been to had been pretty horrific, so it wasn’t really surprising that neither of them ever handled it well. Usually she was better at hiding it.

They shared a comfortable silence, slowly drinking, letting the warm liquid do its job; Jack’s thumb absently brushing over the back of her hand.

“I’m gonna miss the old man,” he almost whispered. She sniffled and felt a tear drop down her face.

“Me too.”

Jack clinked their glasses together, “To Dad.” She smiled and lifted her head, her eyes still watery, and Jack brushed the tear from her cheek with his thumb.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you cry.” She rolled her head into his touch, her eyes closing and forcing more tears to fall. She pressed her lips into the palm of his hand, their eyes meeting and she saw Jack take a gulp of air. He looked like he was about to speak, when her bedroom door opened. Jack quickly removed his hand and her head flew round to see her brother standing in the doorway.

“Your friends are about to leave,” he said, eyeing Jack suspiciously.

“Ok I’ll be there in a sec,” she replied. Mark left and she was positive he left the door open deliberately. Jack got up and nodded toward the door.

“We should get back out there,” he was avoiding her eyes, so she got to her feet and grabbed his arm before he could walk away.

“Jack!” The surprise on his face almost made her laugh. “I don’t think I’d have got through today without you,” she squeezed his arm, “thank you.”

“Anytime Carter.”

**********************************************************************************

After they’d all left, she sat in her now quiet kitchen with her brother, still sipping her whisky, her thoughts drifting between her dad, Daniel and Pete. It was Mark who broke the silence,

“So what’s going on?” She frowned at him across her counter.

“What?”

“You and what’s-his-name,” he nodded towards the door, “in your bedroom.”

“General O’Neill?” she raised her eyebrows, “Nothing’s going on. He’s my commanding officer.”

“Is he the reason you broke up with Pete?”

“No! I...it’s...” she closed her eyes for a moment and heaved a sigh of frustration. “No, that’s not the reason. Do we have to do this now? Today?” 

“Pete thinks there’s someone else.”

“I wouldn’t do that to him.” It came out almost as a whisper; she hadn’t meant it to, but the strain of the day was starting to get to her and yet again, she found herself trying to fight back tears. To her surprise, Mark took the seat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders.

“So what happened? I thought you were happy?”

“I thought so too, but we want different things. He wants a perfect house for his wife and kids and their dog.” She scowled. “That’s just not me.”

“What do you want?”

“Honestly?” She looked him in the eye and felt a twinge in her chest at his resemblance to her father, and the vague familiarity of the conversation. “I don’t know, but I know it’s not that.”

**********************************************************************************

She watched the shiny black truck pull into the driveway and noted the unsurprised look on his face when he saw her sitting on his porch steps. He pushed the door closed and walked up the path, smiled, and ever the gentleman, held out a hand to help her up.

“Thought I might see you today,” he nodded his head towards the house, “come on in.”

She felt strangely calm. She remembered what a mess she’d made of this every other time they’d tried to have this conversation, but this time it didn’t seem to matter so much; she had nothing left to lose. She didn’t even fidget or bother to try and make small talk. She settled on the couch while he went and got them both a beer. He came back and sat beside her, still careful not to sit too close.

“Didn’t see your car.” He gestured towards the window.

“I walked, felt like getting some fresh air.” She took a sip of her beer and winced a little at the bitter taste she wasn’t quite used to. “You know why I’m here?”

“I think so, but I’ve been wrong before.” He cocked his head slightly to one side and gave her a crooked smile. She smiled back.

“So what do we do?”

“I’ll retire,” he answered, with no hesitation. She blinked.

“Don’t you want to think about that a little first?”

“Carter, I’ve had a resignation letter typed up in my desk drawer for years, no date, no signature, but it’s there. I think about it at least once a week.” He took a long drag on his bottle and she stared at him, open mouthed, unsure of what to say next. “I just want to wait until Daniel’s back.”

“But what if...”

“Ah!” he held up a finger, “Don’t you dare! He will be back, but I need to be there in case he needs our help.” She nodded.

“Of course.”

 “In the meantime, you need to take some time off.” She was about to protest, but he stopped her in her tracks. “Ah! You’ve had a rough week Carter. In fact, it’s been a pretty rough year. Give yourself a break for once...and make sure this is really what you want.” He was avoiding her eyes, his fingers pulling at the label on his bottle. It wasn’t often she saw him nervous, and if she did, it usually meant they were in serious trouble.

“Maybe...” she could hardly believe what she was about to say, “Maybe we could take some time off together?”

He responded immediately, that infectious grin spreading across his face as he understood what she was asking.

“Wanna go fishing?”

 

**********************************************************************************

“Are you sure he’s OK?” She heard Jack ask as she walked into the infirmary, finding Daniel, now fully dressed, sitting on one of the beds and Doctor Brightman almost gritting her teeth as she answered.

“Yes General. Physically he’s absolutely fine.” She turned to Daniel, “but it sounds like you’ve been through a lot so I want you to take some time off before you return to duty.” 

He nodded, knowing arguing with the doctor and Jack would be pointless.  Sam grinned as she reached the bedside and the doctor left to see to her other patients.

“Hey Daniel,” but her smile quickly faded when he flinched at the sound of her voice. Jack’s eyes flicked between them; he’d noticed it too.

“Daniel?” he asked. Daniel was staring at her and she shifted anxiously under his gaze.

“She killed me.” She went cold all over as Daniel’s hand drifted to a spot on his chest. She’d just assumed that he’d gone missing because the replicator ship had been destroyed; she hadn’t thought for one minute that Fifth’s twisted version of herself would actually be capable of killing Daniel. She was struggling to breathe and could feel her heart beating in her throat. Daniel stood and took a step towards her.

“It wasn’t you,” he said, before wrapping his arms around her and hugging her fiercely, “I know it wasn’t you.” She clung onto him, her fists scrunching up the material of the clothes on his back. They broke away from each other and she found it difficult to look him in the eye, her head trying to figure out how she would feel if it were the other way round. Jack cleared his throat, grabbing their attention.

“I’m gonna leave you guys to catch up,” he focussed on Sam with a smirk, “I have some paperwork to deal with.” He turned on his heel and she couldn’t help her feint smile as he walked away. Daniel leaned closer to her, keeping his voice low.

“Have I missed something?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah. Let’s get out of here and I’ll fill you in.”

**********************************************************************************

She hadn’t really taken the place in last night; they’d all been tired from the fifteen hour drive and had unpacked a few essentials and gone straight to bed. She’d woken earlier than she’d expected to, made herself coffee in the almost silent house, thrown on a sweater over her pyjamas, slipped her sneakers on, and crept outside into the cool air, grasping the warm cup with both hands. She enjoyed the rare moment of solitude; enjoyed having time to herself to think about absolutely nothing.  She sat on the wooden bench on his deck and watched the woods slowly come alive as animals and birds went about their morning routine, and the mist rise off the pond as the sun climbed over the trees.

She heard the door creak open and turned to see Jack already dressed, smiling and handing her a fresh cup of coffee,

“Thought I’d be first up,” he raised his eyebrows at her, grinning as he glanced down at her pyjama bottoms, “aren’t you cold?”

“A little,” she nodded, returning his grin. She sipped the hot coffee and was grateful for the extra heat.

“Did you sleep ok?”

“Yeah, I think I was out before I even hit the pillow,” she inclined her head towards the house, “anyone else up yet?” He shook his head and took a seat next to her.

She felt more calm and relaxed than she had in years. There were no thoughts in the back of her mind about suddenly being attacked from space. Daniel was back, safe and in one piece. It was as if a huge weight had finally been lifted from her shoulders, and in that moment she understood why he spent so much of his downtime here. It was his escape. His way of grasping onto some semblance of normality, away from their crazy lives and he’d been trying to help her do that for years.

She watched him, noting the lazy smile on his face, his totally relaxed posture and an air of pure contentment that she’d never seen before. She wanted to say something, anything, to grab him and shout that she finally got it; she finally understood what he’d been telling her all this time. She slid closer to him so that their arms were just touching and as their eyes met, she felt her unspoken thought pass between them.  He turned his whole body towards her, one hand reaching up and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her neck and making her shiver.

His lips were soft against hers, barely touching and she had the feeling he was asking her permission, waiting for her to tell him to stop. She hooked her arm under his as she kissed him back, her hand flat on the middle of his back, urging him forward as the kiss grew in intensity. Her head felt light and for a moment she wasn’t sure if this was really happening. She’d envisioned this so many times and in a way it was fitting how she’d imagined precisely, but there didn’t seem to be the urgency she’d expected. It was as if they had all the time in the world, and neither of them was exactly in a hurry to end it. They shifted their position and she somehow ended up straddling his thighs, her fingers threading through his hair and his hands under her sweater, caressing the smooth, warm skin of her back.

Their kiss was broken by a sudden crash from inside the house and a curse from Daniel, followed by a muttering that sounded like one pissed Jaffa. She couldn’t help the flush in her cheeks as she realised the position they’d got themselves into. That grin was back on Jack’s face and he pressed a kiss into her neck.

“Come on,” he said, as his hand gently patted her ass, “I’ll make breakfast.”


End file.
